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Hard of hearing

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

New hearing aid

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Uncovering a scam

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.

The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

 

"Senior" personal ads

 
Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida newspapers: (Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
 
 FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.  Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
 
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.  Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
 
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.  If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
 
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
 
BEATLES OR STONES?  I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.  If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
 
 MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.  If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
 
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.  Not in running condition, but walks well.
 

Subject: Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.  He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."  The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."  So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.  She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too!"

 


Last modified: November 15, 2007